Not The Whole Story

Last week I was walking into the school to pick up Jasper, the younger of the two boys I manny, when I was stopped by a parent I hadn’t seen in a while. Truth be told, I’ve stopped doing the walk-up entirely. The chaos of school pickup has finally worn me down, and I’d much rather sit in my car with the A/C running than pretend-smile at parents who, I suspect, see me strictly as “the help.” Fair enough, I am the help, but I don’t need the reminder spelled out in their stares.

Still, it had been a minute since I’d seen this particular parent, the only one whose company I genuinely enjoy, and we stopped to chat. And that’s when the inevitable question landed: “So, what have you been up to?”

I was in work mode, on my way to collect one of the boys, so my answer came out as the classic brush-off: “Oh, you know, same old, same old. But what about you?” I tossed the spotlight away as fast as humanly possible. She filled me in on her new consulting gig, and before long a small munchkin had wrapped himself around my leg, and the two of us were trekking back to my car and that blessed A/C.

Later that night, while fixing dinner, I replayed the conversation and had to laugh at myself as I stirred the macaroni and cheese. Why did I shrug off my own life like it was uneventful? It is anything but. Life has been exciting, busy, creative, fulfilling… truly wonderful. Why was I guarding all of that at that moment?

Maybe it was because I was squarely in “work brain” and not thinking about everything else I have had going on. I could have mentioned that I’d just flown to Bowling Green, Ohio, (yes, Ohio) to speak at the Soap Operas in Popular Culture Conference that the university held over Halloween weekend. I could have said how I spent days talking with soap opera fans, creatives, academics, and enthusiasts about storylines, personal journeys, and their decades-long devotion to this art form. I could have mentioned being the final speaker and knowing I had left a memorable exclamation point at the end of the weekend. I could have… but I didn’t.

I also could have mentioned the momentum around my Mr. CMEN Leather title; the events I’m planning in San Diego and Joshua Tree, with more on the way. Or the fact that I was gearing up to attend my first Palm Springs Pride (which will show up in a future Behind the Harness & Sash entry on my Buy Me a Coffee page). I could have said any of that. I didn’t.

What’s wild is that I’ve spent most of the summer filming the final season of Misguided and am now deep in post-production. Hours behind my computer slicing, trimming, and shaping the footage into the conclusion this story deserves. I didn’t mention the new marketing rollouts, the character spotlights, the build toward the first look at Season 4, something I’m genuinely proud of. I could have talked about all of it. Again, I didn’t.

So why not? Why the sudden modesty? Maybe it's a habit. Maybe I’m so used to keeping the fullness of my life tucked into quiet corners, social media posts, this blog, conversations with people who actually want the details, that talking about myself in the school pick-up line feels foreign. Maybe a part of me still slips into “the help” mindset and thinks my role is to be silent and unseen. I don’t believe that’s the full story, but I can’t dismiss it outright.

But here’s what I do know: as I scooped Oliver a bowl of mac and cheese, for the first time in ages, I felt excited.

It took years to get here. Everything stalled in 2020, as it did for so many. Life had been… good-ish leading up to 2019. The world at large was already a dumpster fire, but in my small corner, the things I could control were steady enough. When the world shut down and everything in my own life shifted, it took every bit of strength I had to claw my way back to this exact moment. Maybe after years of just waking up, working, sleeping, and repeating, I forgot what life feels like when I break out of the routine. When I am able to step out from behind the job, the kiddos, the responsibilities that don’t belong to me, and into my own light, my own power.

Would I answer differently if she asked me again during pick-up? I’d love to say yes I would, and that I’d rattle off everything exciting in my life and truly blow her mind. But there’s something fun about keeping a little mystery. Letting the details land in their own time. Letting the work speak for itself on social media, where I know she sees it. There’s no need to treat my life like a pop quiz I need to finish before the bell rings.

And maybe that’s why I come back to this blog. I write it for myself. It’s called No Reciprocation Necessary for a reason. Whether anyone reads it or not, it’s the place where I can circle back, check in, and tell the truth without rushing or performing.

So how are things going? Honestly, I’m doing quite well these days. Thanks for asking.