Behind the Harness & Sash - Masks & Meaning
One of the many things I want to do this title year is show up fully as myself, in every aspect. That’s not always easy for me. I often slip back into the skin of that shy kid from small-town Vermont, what I learned in therapy was a survival tactic of keeping quiet just to get through life.
Years later, I’m still learning how to overcome that shyness. The big difference now is awareness. I recognize it, and I make an effort to include myself. Crowds and groups will probably always be a challenge, but that’s a story for another day. (Wait until you hear about my Folsom experience…)
For now, I want to share how I plan to showcase myself this year, and introduce you to parts of me I once kept hidden.
If you’re new here—welcome! I’m so glad you’re supporting my journey as Mr. CMEN Leather 2025. A little about me: I was born and raised in a tiny Vermont town before chasing big soap opera dreams in New York City. Guiding Light was the holy grail for me, and my move to the city was fueled by the idea of one day stepping onto that set.
I actually got close. I booked my first soap role on One Life to Live, which felt like proof my dream was possible. That led to more: recurring under-fives (five lines or less) on One Life, background roles on As the World Turns, and even an audition to play a Spaulding intern on Guiding Light. I didn’t land that one, but I did book a bunch of TV background work, including my all-time favorite: Saturday Night Live.
But then 2009 rolled around and Guiding Light was canceled. With that, my dream started to fade, and New York felt less essential. I half-joke that I left because of the cancellation… but honestly, there’s truth there.
Los Angeles gave me a new life. I found creativity, storytelling, and community… especially with Mortified, where I read my teenage diaries on stage to strangers. Yes, that included several strongly worded letters to the producers of Guiding Light. Standing on stage, I realized I was still giving myself permission to chase that same dream.
After one show, a former Harper Collins editor approached me and said, “So what’s next? There’s a story here.” That lit a fire. I wrote, and wrote and wrote… a stream-of-consciousness memoir that covered my life until I left New York. I didn’t know if it would ever be published, but it was valuable just to get it out. That draft led to a meeting with a literary manager at Gotham Group, who told me: “Write something, create something, so when the book is ready, people already know who you are.”
So I did. I created Misguided, a web series about a guy who dreams of becoming a soap star… right as his favorite soap gets canceled. Sound familiar? It’s my love letter to the genre, and now, more than a decade later, I’m wrapping production on the fourth and final season. By the end, I’ll have 22 episodes telling a full story I’m proud of.
That’s me in a nutshell, probably a bigger nutshell than I meant to crack open, but still, a solid foundation for where I’m heading this year.
When I started thinking about my title pin (or run pin—what do we call these things?), I knew I wanted a symbol that really felt like me. I considered a leather-wrapped lighthouse, some naturist-inspired trees, even a martini glass (I do love a cosmo… more on that later). But everything felt too busy. Then it hit me.
Senior year of high school, I told my parents I was staying late to work on the yearbook, but really, I was sneaking downtown for my first tattoo. Some of my friends had gotten music notes, but I went with the classic comedy and tragedy masks, because I was destined to be an actor, after all.
So when it came time for the pin, it felt right to bring that symbol full circle. Only this time, I gave it a twist: one mask draped in leather, the other in a nude illusion. Together, they represent the two sides of my title year—Leather and naturism—while staying authentically me. I love that I get to carry this token through the year. And yes, you can grab one too with all proceeds helping fund my leather journey to IML in May 2026.
That idea of showing up as me also came into play when a photographer friend announced upcoming availability. I’d wanted to work with him before, but never had a “good reason” beyond updating my dating profile. Now I had one.
We booked an hour-long session, and I came prepared with four strong looks, each showing different leather styles and aspects of my personality. We even added some artistic nude shots because, well, I’m a naturist titleholder too. Some photos included the sash, others are now perfect for a profile refresh. The whole shoot felt like an exercise in authenticity: putting myself out there, being unafraid of how I’d be seen, and embracing all of who I am.
It won’t be the last time I’m in front of a camera this year, but it was a perfect start. The biggest takeaway? Be proud of who you are, and never be afraid to showcase all of you.
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