The Intentional Shift

Looking at the world today the doomscrolling through social media and dodging a relentless barrage of news alerts… it’s just a lot. I’m not sure we were built for this kind of information overload. I know I am certainly not equipped for it. My head hurts, my heart aches, and I often find myself forced to stop just to remind myself to take a breath and remember how little I can actually control.

Is that a practice of self-care? Probably. But I’m painfully aware that “self-care” has been hijacked. It’s often used as a polished excuse to avoid responsibility or tune out of reality. Taking a spa day while LA is literally on fire might be an extreme example of misreading the room, but it’s a reminder of how quickly we can label “avoidance” as “wellness” at the detriment of others.

I’m all for the retreats, the massages, the hikes, but I’ve started looking at the bigger picture. A hike fills my lungs with fresh air and a massage lets me zone out, but my troubles are usually waiting for me right where I left them. In the past, I was typically back to square one the moment I returned home.

Lately, I’ve shifted my energy toward self-investment: building a foundation that sustains me for the long haul rather than just seeking a moment of relief.

Last year, that investment was physical. I took a Black Friday deal and hired a coach for a six-month program to restructure my eating habits and my workouts. I’ll be honest: I wanted the results his other clients had: the abs, the muscle definition. But more importantly, I wanted something that would outlast the program itself. I’m writing this today having finished another one of those workouts, having eaten a healthy breakfast, and marking over 485 days without alcohol. I looked at this one body I’ve been given and asked how I could make sure it functions well beyond my “prime” years.

Recently, I applied that same logic to my creative life. I met with a journalist and podcaster I’ve followed for a while, looking for the same structure I found in the gym. I left our two-hour meeting feeling like I hadn’t just made a connection, but had cleared a path toward the life I’ve long desired. One full of creative opportunities.

What changed for me was the shift toward intention. When I intentionally changed how I ate, how I slept, and how I moved, that energy started to bleed into everything else. It was not about “fixing” a bad day; it was about honoring the person I wanted to become, the person I knew I could be.

We often treat ourselves like a fire that needs putting out, rushing in with “self-care” only when we’re already burning. But investment is different. It is the slow, intentional work of fireproofing the house before the sparks fly.

It’s not always as glamorous as a weekend away. Sometimes self-investment is the boring stuff: the budget, the difficult conversation, the 6:00 AM workout, the decision to stay sober when it would be easier to numb out. But those are the things that stay with you long after a massage fades. I’m realizing that the best gift I can give my future self isn’t a temporary escape from my life, but a life I don’t feel the constant need to escape from.

As I shift into this final month before the IMLBB weekend and the International Mister Leather competition, that’s where my mind is going. Leading with intention. There is intention behind my application answers, a purpose to the outfits I am figuring out (at this moment it will be a surprise for us all what I actually show up in on stage Memorial Day weekend), and a weight to the words I choose for my 90-second speech.

Going into this, I wanted to have fun and not stress about the competition. I still have that desire, but with this added layer of intention, my drive and my dedication to the process have been given a sturdier foundation.

The one piece of advice everyone has given me when they hear I’m competing for IML (and I mean everyone) is to just be yourself. That’s great, because I don’t know how to be anyone else. I can only show up in Chicago, as I have all the other places I’ve traveled this year, exactly as I am. I’m showing up to allow people to see me and what I have to offer this community… and hopefully, in doing so, others feel a little more comfortable being themselves, too.